my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
