so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize