Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
