she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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