And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
