I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
it's great music for shaving your balls
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
