he shaved USA in his pubs
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize