Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
