Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
