We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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