you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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