how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize