wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
