when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize