So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
