I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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