I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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