I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
