If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
wow bdsm is so cute
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
