You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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