he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
