jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
