You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize