This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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