and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
