Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
