We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
