Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
