Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize