so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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