I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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