I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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