How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
that's an acceptable place to lick
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
