so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
