Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
