if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
