Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
