Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
