And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
