i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
