Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
