Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
