we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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