If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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