Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
