I wish I could teleport
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
