My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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