watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize