And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
