I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
