I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
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