Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
