I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
