I accidentally burped into my bong.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
