Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
