Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How's work?
Spinning.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
