The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
