I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
