Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is it penis luge time yet?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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