well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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