mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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