discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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