I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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