I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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