A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
