literally had 100 drinks last night.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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