I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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