I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
