she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
