Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
