Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i wish my penis had a tongue
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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