my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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