Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
