jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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