I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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