Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
