How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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