Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
