that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
