He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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