i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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