Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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