Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
