he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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