I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize