Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
