Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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