You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
