Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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