Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
