he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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