Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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