Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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