I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
