If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
