I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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