I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
