apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
