Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
