Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
4 words: hood of his car
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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