I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
