In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
