i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
