Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
