I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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