There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We're too hungover to prance.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
